Maybe I'll Shower Today

I am a mom in my thirties, meaning I have zero authority over what is acceptable slang.  I will even admit to having Googled a few words, so I could stop wondering who this damn Felicia woman was, and why everyone was saying goodbye to her. I realize that consulting Urban Dictionary to keep up with what’s cool is decidedly not on fleek, and I obviously have no business using these words in their correct form.

I do, however have some authority on parent lingo. I can speak toddler-ese with the best of them and can tell the difference between a baby saying, “Ma! Ma!”and “Ma? Ma?” Since, moms have given so much to the world already, I think we deserve the right to decide what the latest slang means.

1. On Fleek

Real version: When something you are doing/wearing is on point. I.E. This outfit is on fleek.

Mom version:  Something you bought on sale at the weekly flea market. I.E. I got this outfit on fleek for only $10!

2. Netflix and chill

Real version: Have sex. (May or may not involve actual Netflix watching)

Mom version: Binge watch “House of Cards” and pass out at 8:30 p.m.

 

3. Bae

Real version: An acronym for before anything else, a term of endearment.

Mom version: A shorter word for bagel. I.E. I could really go for a bae and a schmear.

4. Squad

Real version: Your core group of friends.

Mom version: The kids. I.E. Sorry we’re late, took forever to get the squad ready.

Bonus: Squad Goals: Getting the kids to do something successfully. I.E. Brothers aren’t fighting! #SquadGoals!

 

5. Stay woke:

Real version: Being aware and mindful of important social issues.

Mom Version: Trying to function on almost no sleep. I.E. The baby kept me up all night, I’m just trying to stay woke.

I’m sure by the time this is published, most or all of these terms will already be obsolete. I look forward to momifying the next batch.

Until then, bye, Felicia! (By that I mean, goodbye to anyone named Felicia. Hope you have a lovely day!)