If you struggle to get your child to the bus stop on time, or always feel like you are rushing to make school drop-off, I know you have researched multiple tips to ensure a speedier, stress-free way of getting your child to school on time.
My Child Was Easily Distracted In The Morning
I am the parent of a child who dawdles in the morning, and, if left unchecked, would stay in his PJs happily building LEGOS or drawing. Now, before, anyone jumps on this sentence as a means of suggesting he’s not enjoying school, know that, my kid does indeed like going to school. He is not trying to stall in order to miss or be late to school; he just struggles to understand the concept of time and how to manage it accordingly.
Every so often, a story highlighting how happy kids are in some part of the world (usually some Nordic country) will appear on my feed. The article will point to the numerous things families over there do better than us Americans. Almost gloating, the author will profess the profound advantages of being a child over there versus being a child in the U.S.
And, yeah, from this side of the U.S., it does look a lot better. Supportive government policies that enable parents to spend more than a few months (or often less) with their new children, school systems that encourage free and outdoor play, and a culture that values families are just few examples of how other countries are touted for their superiority.
In many ways, these articles go as far as implying or directly saying American parents do it all wrong.
One country cited often for its superior parenting style is Denmark. There’s a book and countless articles praising the Danish way of raising children. To be fair, there is a lot to admire about Danish culture and how that permeates all aspects of life. The idea of hygge, or spending time together as a family doing “cozy” activities like reading, playing games, or just chatting around fire is something my non-Danish family does often. But, in order to be in a good place to have those moments, other needs must be met, and that is something articles praising foreign parenting styles often fail to acknowledge.
Denmark’s family leave policies support family togetherness. Between the four weeks of paid leave given to mothers BEFORE childbirth, to the 14 weeks afterward AND the additional 32 weeks where both the birthing and non-birthing parent can be on leave, Danish moms and dads get lots of time to bond with their new family. Compare that to this country, where there is no paid leave and even our 12-week unpaid option isn’t available to many women.
Kinda hard to get hygge with it when you gotta be back at your desk when your vaginal tears have barely healed.
The other aspect worth noting is places like Denmark are homogeneous societies where the vast majority of people share the same ethnic and religious backgrounds. Countries like this are not dealing with the tension and reckoning that comes from being in a diverse society. To be clear, I have no doubt racism and other forms of discrimination against minorities exist in Denmark, but, by nature of Danish demographics, it is not something they have to contend with as much as we do hear in the U.S.
Dealing with microagressions as well as intergenerational trauma impacts how a person functions in society and in how one cares for their families. Worries about how their children will be treated and even if they will come home alive is a real and justified fear for many marginalized Americans.
Yes, we can still look to other countries for guidance in how to raise our children. I think there is much to glean from embracing parenting styles not just from other countries, but from the diverse cultures right here in the U.S. I also think it is worth noting American parents are doing the best we can.
I would love for a comprehensive, paid family leave policy to be well established by the time my kids (if they want to) become parents. I would love for people of all backgrounds to feel truly at peace and safe in this country.
Who knows, maybe in 30 years we will celebrating the “American” style of parenting.
Memorial Day weekend is almost here, bringing the unofficial start of summer and the start of vacation season.
With two children ages eight and ten, my husband and I have experienced many family vacations, and, over the years, I have picked up some helpful tips to make these trips more enjoyable.
Pack Smart
Packing smart doesn’t mean skimping on what you need for a trip. It means being mindful of what you must have on a trip in order to make it as enjoyable experience as possible. For some families, electronics are a must to ensure a calm and peaceful journey, for others, disconnecting is important. Some families prefer to bring their own outdoor gear, others find it better to rent at their destination.
When packing you need to think about the benefits and disadvantages of each item you bring. Whether traveling by car, plane or train, you never have infinite space, so being mindful matters.
If you have more stuff than you can handle and you must have certain items on your trip, consider shipping to your hotel. Often this costs less than paying extra baggage fees (if traveling by air) and is easy enough to arrange. When my family went on a trip sponsored by my husband’s company, I knew I couldn’t pack all the diapers and other items I needed for my youngest, who was an infant at the time. I was able to coordinate the shipment of diapers and other products to the hotel and everything was there on arrival.
Get A Place With A Kitchen
Family travel can be costly, and the idea of spending more on an accommodation that includes a kitchen may seem foolish. Yes, in some cases, your initial trip investment will go up, but the savings on meals, not to mention avoiding the often disastrous experience of dining out with small children is well worth it. Furthermore, vacation rentals are often a better value than standard hotels, and deals can be found if you are flexible with your dates and/or willing to stay further from the main attractions of your destination.
Even though my kids are better at behaving at restaurants these days, I still prefer the having our own space for meals when we travel. I like that we can wake up when we want and not have to worry about finding a place for breakfast or waiting online at a mediocre breakfast buffet. I like that if we don’t have to think about reservations. And, I like that if we want to eat a meal out, we always have the option to do so.
We keep our meals very simple. (Think lots of pasta, cereal and sandwiches), and pack much of what we need ahead of time (if we are driving). At our destination, we will pick up milk and other perishables.
What about all-inclusives? My little experience with all-inclusives has been underwhelming. I appreciate the convenience, but most of the time the food is average at best, and you still run in to a lot of the same challenges you would if you had to rely on restaurants. However, if you must do an all-inclusive, bring some food storage bags and use them to take some extras of things like muffins and bananas to have on hand in case your child wakes up hungry before the buffet opens.
Have A Mix Of Planned And Unplanned Time
There are people who plan every moment of their vacations, and there are people who just want to see what happens. Neither approach is ideal when it comes to family travel. Too many planned activities is exhausting, however, if your family has must-dos on their list, most often you can’t just show up and expect to participate. Popular activities often require reservations ahead of time, often months in advance. Smart planning also takes advantage of things like museum and transit passes.
While it is tempting to fill every moment of your vacation days with something to do, always being on the go can be exhausting. Kids (and adults) need time to recharge, and often the best vacation memories can be made on those “lazy” days.
These laid-back days are also when you are most likely to get the true vibe of wherever you are visiting. Taking it slow allows your family to better experience the local culture, people and environment.
Don’t Make it Just About The Kids
A family vacation is just that, a FAMILY vacation. Everyone, including the adults should enjoy the trip. Of course, there will be activities that are more for the children, and it is OK if that is the main focus of the trip. Just be sure to include activities you enjoy, even if they aren’t what your kids might choose.
As a child I was dragged to many sites I had little interest in, and, yes, I complained. Now that I am an adult, I can appreciate how much I learned from being exposed to interesting and unusual places.
Aim to have at least one activity for each person in your family to enjoy. For you it might be a museum, for your partner, it might be a site of historic significance, for your kids, it might be a candy shop. This gives everyone a chance to experience something they truly enjoy, and opens up the rest of the family to things they may not have chosen to do on their own.
Say Yes More
Vacationing with children is hard enough without stressing over what they eat or getting them to bed. Let them have ice cream every night and stay up well past their normal bedtime. Or, if that much deviation from the routine would be too hard on your family, consider allowing for some small perks like an extra hour of device time or letting your kids purchase a small souvenir item.
Saying yes more opens you up to new possibilities as well. If your kids want to explore a place not on your list, or if you see a tempting roadside eatery, saying, “yes,” may lead to the highlight of your trip.
Traveling with children will never be 100% stress free, but with some careful planning and an open mind, family vacations can be a great experience for all.
Mother’s Day is almost here, and, if you are like, many moms I know, I am going to bet you are too busy to think about how you might treat yourself that day. I am going to further assume most of the time you are thinking about your kids, your marriage, your endless to-do list, leaving little time to focus on yourself.
I am a mom of school-age kids, long past the fog and exhaustion of the early parenting years, yet even I find myself forgetting to take care of my self. Making a more conscious effort to focus on my needs not only improves my mental health, it makes me a better mom and wife. As the old adage goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Mother’s Day is a great time to make the decision to do more for yourself. They don’t have to be huge things. As you will see below, my suggestions do not require a great deal of time and can be incorporated into your routine with a few adjustments.
Find Time For Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a funny word. Aren’t our minds already full? Full of tasks to complete. Full of worries. Mindfulness isn’t about filling our minds; it is about allowing ourselves to be aware of the present. Mindfulness allows us time to pause, breathe and just be. While this can be done through meditation and simple breathing exercises, I find it helpful to have an activity that focuses my energy on a simple task.
For me, painting is one such activity, however, dealing with paints and cleanup can be a pain and detract from the whole point of finding time to relax and just be. This is why I love the Buddha Board. Made with a special canvas that enables you to paint beautiful designs with just a brush and water, the Buddha Board is perfect for when you need a few moments to let your mind go of all the things and just be. Even better, the designs disappear when the water dries up, leaving you with a blank canvas to use again. The disappearing art also serves as a reminder to not get too caught up in the stresses of life and to just let go.
Get Better Sleep
Notice I didn’t say “more” sleep. Parenting makes it hard to get nine hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep. Instead, we have to focus on getting the best rest we can. While we can’t control how much our babies will cry in the middle of the night, or whether our preschooler will wake up scared from a nightmare, we can set ourselves up for a good night’s rest.
One way to do so is getting in the right mindset for sleep. For me, this means (although I often fail to follow through), limiting the amount of screens, particularly my phone, I view before bed. At the very least, making sure I take a few moments to take some slow breaths and allow my body to relax. For some, simply telling yourself to relax is a non-starter, so using your favorite meditation app, a sound machine, or having your partner lead a guided meditation may be useful.
Use Products You Can Feel Good About
My skincare routine is minimal, and as you may guess from the name of this blog, I am hardly the person to give advice about personal hygiene. However, as I get older, I am finding new ways to better care for myself.
Using beauty products with healthy, natural ingredients makes my hair, skin, teeth feel better, and makes my mind feel better for choosing items that have less of an impact on the environment. While there is no denying these products can have a higher upfront cost than many of their conventional counterparts, over time the benefits prove worth the investment.
Spend Some Time Outdoors
Whenever I am feeling stressed, sluggish, overwhelmed, or just not myself, spending time outside always makes me feel better. I am lucky to live near a bunch of great hiking trails, and I am grateful for the solace I find in the woods. However, you don’t need drive hours out of your way to enjoy a soul-cleansing walk. Even a short walk around your neighborhood, or a trip to the park can be enough to lift your spirit.
No time to walk? I get it. If you can find five minutes, open your front door, or step outside onto your balcony/fire escape, and just take a few deep breaths. Just that quick experience can be enough to get you in a better place.
Read A Book Just For Fun
While there is nothing wrong with reading parenting books, or books that are part of your coursework or to obtain a specific skill. Reading for pure joy is a great way to treat yourself. No one type of book is best. I just finished The Golden Compass and followed it up with a book on economics. Readinga diverse variety of books keeps my mind sharp and reminds me I am more than just mom brain.
I am a huge fan of my local library, as it allows me to try new books before my shelves start piling up with too many titles.
Remember self care is unique to you and what works best for some might not work best for others. Just remember that you matter and you deserve to show yourself some love on Mother’s Day and every day.
Disclaimer: This post contains a paid link as well as links to sponsored posts. All views expressed are my own.
As parents of a three-year-old and four-month-old, we know the feeling of overwhelm and straight up exhaustion that becoming new parents brings with it. We also know that becoming parents together as a couple simultaneously brings you closer together and forms a true crucible for any marriage. It brings you closer together because the love you feel for your children is a greater love than either of you you have ever experienced before, and that love was born out of your union. It’s a crucible because the physical, emotional and spiritual energy that is required of you to care for your young children is also unlike anything you have ever experienced, and the nature of it is that it pulls you away from your intimacy. It’s the great paradox of parenting actually.
You are no longer just husband and wife anymore. You are parents. And the nature of being parents is that your sexual intimacy, let alone even just time spent alone just the two of you can become the first thing that goes out the window.
So how do we navigate this without becoming relegated to the “sexless marriage” category that so many relationships unfortunately end up in? Our children grow up inside of the ecosystem of our relationship and therefore can only be as happy as our relationship is. A sexless relationship is rarely a happy one so we relate to this area with the utmost importance. To answer this question we need to separate parents into two categories. Pregnancy through having children under the age of one, and parents with children over the age of one. This post will focus on pregnancy through having kids under the age of one.
For parents who are pregnant or with new babies under the age of one, you need to understand that you are in a very short, (though it can seem like it goes on forever) phase of your life and intimate relationship where sex naturally takes a back seat to the other necessities of your life. Currently, our second child is four months old, and still not sleeping much, so we are right smack in the middle of this phase ourselves and regularly remind ourselves that “this is a phase!” Sometimes we have a twinkle in our eye about it like “we got this,” and other times, whoever is the least exhausted of the two of us, reminds the other that “hey…this is just a phase.”
For all parents of babies out there…we know it’s not an easy phase. It’s also not always a fun phase. It’s a truly exhausting, but also beautiful, and at time’s makes-you-wanna-lose-your-mind, cry- from-joy-or-despair, sometimes-both-in-the-same-day, or-same-hour…phase!
Now, that doesn’t mean that sex can’t happen in this phase. It just means that you must manage your expectations about it. This is not a phase of your relationship where you will be having long stretches of time just the two of you to be intimate. Nor is it a phase where either of you will necessarily have much of a sexual appetite. Especially pregnant women or breastfeeding mothers! So we like to relate to this phase as a “get it when and where you can” phase. If that means that it’s during a five-minute window where the kid is napping and you are both not too exhausted to have a quickie, then great. If that means saving a tiny bit of gas in the tank at the end of the day just to have five minutes of intimacy, that’s okay too. But manage your expectations about this phase. And make sure that if you can get it, that you do. Prioritize it in that way.
Be a “yes” to getting it when you can. Know that during this phase, a “no” is always on the table, but for the sake of your relationship, err towards a yes whenever you can. Care about being a yes, even if it feels like it’s utilitarian or not a sexy period of your life. Your future relationship will thank you.
We joke with each other that our sex life is stuck in a 15-month traffic jam because that’s about how long it takes from the beginning of pregnancy to a new baby starting to sleep through the night and life starting to have some sense of normalcy. You can still have fun in a traffic jam. But you can’t drive fast and you can’t get to where you want to go until the traffic is cleared. That’s this phase. Do your best to have fun in the traffic jam and both strive to initiate and be a yes in the rare offset moments that become available to you during this phase and you will move through this just fine and in moments, beautifully.
The original version of this post, as well as a follow-up, can be found on the authors’ website.
About The Authors:
Sally and Zach Maxwell, owners of Max-Well Coaching, are personal and relationship coaches and love experts. They shared their first kiss when they were 18. Now, two decades later, they’ve successfully navigated many common relationship milestones together, and each day really does get better and better. They’re called to teach their clients how to do this in their lives. With nearly a combined 30 years of coaching individuals and couples, they synthesize the tools that we have learned to create a customized experience based on our clients needs.
I am celebrating Earth Day (April 22) by giving away SEVEN Nat Geo Kids books!
National Geographic is a trusted name in education, and I am proud to say our home library has held many Nat Geo Kids titles over the years.
With Earth Day on its way, I was excited to get the opportunity to share some incredible Nat Geo Kids’ animal-, environmental-, and sustainable-themed books.
Seven lucky winners will each receive one of seven books from Nat Geo Kids!*
I will feature a different Nat Geo Kids book each day on my Instagram and Facebook pages. To enter for your chance to win, all you have to do is like the post and comment with the book-related prompt. You can do so on either platform. If you are selected for one book, you are not eligible to receive the others. Winners will be notified at the end of April.
Read on for a full list of titles along with a description of each book. All titles are available for purchase on Amazon or wherever you prefer to buy books.
100 Ways To Make The World Better!
Suitable for middle-grade readers, 100 Ways offers inspirational ideas, expert interviews, and doable activities that encourage kids to take an active role in caring for our planet.
Hey, Baby! A Collection of Pictures, Poems and Stories from Nature’s Nursery
Kids (and adults) of all ages will love this collection of adorable photos of baby animals accompanied by poems, folktales, and rescue stories. Sure to nurture a love for animals and nature from an early age, this book is a great addition to any starter home library.
Destiny Finds Her Way: How a Rescued Baby Sloth Learned to Be Wild
Preschoolers and early-elementary-age kids will be fascinated by the true story of Destiny, a motherless baby sloth, sightless in one eye, who was rescued in the Costa Rican rain forest. Along with sharing Destiny’s amazing tale, the book teaches kids all about sloths, including how they are particularly vulnerable to deforestation.
Go Wild! Lions
Early readers will adore this book that is all about lions. Aside from learning about lion habitats, diet, and how these big cats communicate, kids will find out why lions need our help and what humans are doing to protect them.
National Geographic Reader: Plants Level 1 Co-Reader
Intended for adults to read along with their child, this book is the perfect way for new readers to practice their skills while learning about the incredible world of plants.
This Book Stinks!
Has your child ever asked you what happens to the garbage after its picked up on trash day? If so, This Book Stinks! is the perfect way to teach them about landfills, recycling, and how they can do their part to reduce waste.
Water! Why Every Drop Counts and How You Can Start Making Waves to Protect it
Water conservation is vital for our planet’s health. Water! is an excellent book for middle-grade readers interested in learning the science behind water and the challenge of making clean drinking water available to everyone.
*Offer available to residents of the U.S. and Canada only. Winners chosen at random, limit one book per entry.
I have not been compensated for this post and all views expressed are my own. Partnership entails working with a PR firm representing National Geographic Kids books, who will be responsible for mailing books to the winners.
During our talk, which aired live on Facebook, Dr. Freedanthal provided valuable tools for recognizing signs of depression, anxiety and other mental health issues in our children. She also encouraged parents and caregivers to establish an open dialogue with their children that enables them to feel seen and heard.
Here are some of my top takeaways from our conversation.
Talk to your kids, or find them a trusted adult they feel comfortable with enough to share their concerns, worries and feelings with. This may include a fellow family member, a mental health professional or a combination of several individuals.
Let your child know they will not be judged or blamed if they have suicidal thoughts or are thinking of harming themselves. Too often, children won’t speak up because they are scared of getting in trouble or letting their family down.
Be mindful of how you speak about suicide. Children take in what we say, and if they hear us referring to someone who committed or attempted suicide as selfish or attention-seeking, they may not feel OK coming to us if they are considering ending their own lives.
Keep talking. Though it may seem counterintuitive talking to your kids about suicide, and even asking them if they ever think about ending their lives, won’t cause them to want to commit suicide. Instead this will let them know they are encouraged to share what’s on their mind and know they are supported.
If you would like to watch the full, edited interview, please click on the image below to watch the video on YouTube.
Every year on Valentine’s Day, my dad would buy my mom box of chocolates. My siblings and I were grateful for any our mother would share, knowing full well those were her chocolates.
After all, at least as we understood it, Valentine’s Day was a holiday for grown-ups, and more specifically, for grown-ups in arelationship.
We weren’t showered with candy and gifts, because the holiday wasn’t about us.
Before reading further, be advised I am not a professional in the field of mental health, and what I share here should never replace the services provided by someone who is trained to help those who struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety or other mental health issues.
January is a difficult month for many people. We come in at the start full of excitement and hope, determined to accomplish our goals, only to find by the middle of the month, we have already failed to follow through on our resolutions. Add to that feeling of dejection days of minimal sunlight, and, for some, seasonal depression.
Yes, January can be tough. However, January can also be freeing and satisfying. As a person born in January, this month holds deep meaning for me, and I hope the ideas shared below serve you well in the coming weeks and beyond.
Reassess Those Resolutions
Many of us use the upcoming year to make resolutions and set intentions for ourselves. After sticking with them for a few days, often we fail to keep following through. For example, you may have gone in to 2023 determined to run three miles a day, and after a week, you found yourself lacing up your running shoes less and less. You may feel angry, disappointed and frustrated at your failure to follow through. All of these are valid feelings. Failing to stick with a resolution, especially so early on in the year can be such a blow to our egos, many of us see little point in even trying again.
There is a point, and being able to come back to something like running or learning a language or volunteering more is admirable. Yet, when we approach these goals the same way we always have, chances are, we will struggle once more. We tend to believe we need to think big, when thinking small, that is setting tiny, easily attainable goals is a better path toward success.
I first came across this idea of setting small goals when listening to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits on Brene Brown’s “Dare To Lead” podcast. He shared an example of someone’s goal of simply driving to the gym (I believe once a week). Did this person go in the gym at first, no, but the small, repeated habit of just getting there set the stage for them to do so. Even driving might be too much, it could just be the simple act of packing a gym bag one day a week. The point is, even if you “failed” to follow through on those resolutions, you can try again by giving yourself simpler and more attainable goals.
Celebrate The Small Wins
After the past few years we have been through, I believe we all deserve a lot of love and grace for getting to this moment. For many of us, the pandemic has left us with an overwhelming question of “what am I doing with my life?” We feel pressured to make big changes and “correct” areas of our lives.
Pandemic or not, any moment any of us can say I am here, I am alive, I am present is worth celebrating. For some, this could just mean getting out of bed and getting dressed in the morning. For others, it might mean taking a walk around the block. For others, it could just mean spending a minute in front of a mirror brushing their hair. These little moments are huge, and should be celebrated.
Focus On The Present
January tends to be a time of looking ahead. I am guilty of using this time of year to obsess over summer plans and other happenings long in the future. While, planning ahead is necessary at times, and there is nothing wrong with thinking about the future, I know the idea can be stressful.
I find taking the time to be mindful of where I am and what I am doing to be centering and gives me the focus I need to take on more challenging tasks. If you find yourself spiraling into worry, you might find this tip I learned from my therapist helpful. Wherever you are, take a few moments to play a game of “I Spy” (yup the game you play with your kids). By focusing on items in our current space, we can calm our minds and center ourselves.
Remember Even Those “Lost” Days Have Value
I have many days where I intend to check a bunch of items off of my to do list, but my mood, extenuating circumstances or other unexpected things pull me off course, and I am left at the end of the day wondering what I did with my time.
For many of us, we feel like we need tangible evidence of a productive day. This could mean cleaning out our inbox, scheduling doctors’ appointments, putting away laundry and other tasks on our to-do lists. When we have those days where it feels like nothing got done, it can be devastating. However, those “nothing” days are important. Sometimes, we go into them with intention, purposely committing to avoiding most tasks in order to recharge, and sometimes we just find our bodies and minds need a rest and have to cancel plans or put off our task list for a day. Taking care of ourselves, in whatever way that means, isn’t being lazy or self-indulgent, it is vital for living a healthy life.
As I said in the beginning of this post, I am no expert, and I often fail to heed my own advice. I wrote this as much as a guide for myself as anyone else. If you leave with anything, know you are incredible as you are and that every day is a new opportunity.
AI-generated content is becoming more prevalent as individuals and businesses alike look for ways to streamline their creative processes. As a writer, I am both nervous and intrigued by the possibilities of AI. From a creative workers’ perspective, I worry companies looking to cut costs will use AI as an easy and cheap way to mass produce content. From a broader human perspective, I am curious about how AI can be used to diversify content and enable more people to be in this space.
While many AI content tools exist, they aren’t free or for public use. OpenAI, however, has launched a free program, ChatGPT, which generates responses to questions and commands posed by users.
I decided to put the tool to the test by asking a series of questions that could help me produce an informative blog post on whether my fifth grader needs a smartphone. If you follow my blog, you may recall, I already wrote about this topic, and if you want to read that post for comparison, you can do so here.
Please note that up to and including this paragraph has been written by me. I use italics to differentiate the AI-generated portions below.
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