Hey, you! Yes, you with the beautiful round belly. I see you shuffling along, tugging at the waist of your maternity jeans, wondering how you could possibly ever fit into your normal clothes again. I see you hunched over in your chair, trying to make your belly look a bit smaller because it is so much bigger than your friend’s who is a month ahead in her pregnancy.
Do you know how sexy you are? And not in the creepy, depths of the Internet fetish kind of sexy. I’m talking full on, goddess, make the Earth shift with every movement sexy. Do you know that’s what you are? Do you know you drip with marvelous, soul-moving desire? Continue reading →
Another year immersing myself in the world of parenting, both real and virtual, is drawing closer to an end. I thought about what I might want for the coming year, and my answers, I am sure, are similar to your own. I hope for continued health, happiness and prosperity for my family. I hope I keep finding the strength to handle the difficulties of motherhood and the sense to appreciate the beauty of the small details. I will strive to be the best parent I can be for my family, as I know you will as well. In order to do that, can we please agree that, we in this great community called parenthood, could use some resolutions?
Our lives may be different now. Your priority might be your career, your partner, your desire for travel or caring for your pets. While I may be entrenched in diapers and kindergarten registration, you may be building your dream home or calculating your next job move. Our lives may be different, and they both matter.
I want you to know that even though I try not to talk incessantly about my children, I still appreciate how much interest you show in them. I love how you ask to see pictures and are genuinely enthused with how much they have grown. I apologize if I don’t always give your life’s journey the same attention. I will do better to ask you more questions and listen to your triumphs and struggles. Continue reading →
Difficult, stubborn, strong-willed, a free spirit. All of these words describe my oldest son. He is only four, yet he often pushes me over the line between parent and child. I am not ashamed to admit I have lost my cool on occasion. I have found myself sucked into battle after battle. I resented him for not being a more easy-going child. On many days, I was just hoping to make it to bed time before becoming emotionally exhausted and physically aching.
If you have a child like mine, I am sure like me, you looked for ways to change his or her behavior. You read the blogs, sought guidance from your own parents and shared your struggles with your friends. All have good intentions. Phrases like “positive reinforcement” and “be stern, but fair,” are constantly buzzing in your ear. You try everything to get your kid to change, to just be a little easier. To be like your friends’ kids. Maybe you see a change, and maybe you don’t. Maybe when things don’t work, you question everything you have ever done as a parent.
I was that parent. I asked, “Why me?” When it seemed like I spent day after day trying to reason with my son. I turned my frustration out on him, and that just made things worse. It was a horrible cycle leaving everyone tired and unhappy. I thought, if only I had more help, if only my kid was easier, if only I had more peace and quiet.
Thanksgiving is nigh, and that means lots of articles, essays, poems and prose on all of our blessings. I am, of course, grateful for my two beautiful children. I could write a whole post about how wonderful they are, and most parents would nod in agreement. We can like and share the precious moments and everyday gifts, gushing about our little angels.
But, what about the things us parents are really thankful for. You know, the stuff that probably won’t make the greeting card aisle. I thought those things are worth celebrating.
My youngest is 19 months old and still breastfeeds. I know writing the word “still” might seem both absurd and shocking depending on who you ask. This is what is working right now, so for me, this is normal. Like with most things related to my second child, I have much firmer, I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude regarding the parenting of my children.
My oldest was weaned very gradually, starting from the time he was about a year old until he was off my breast by 20 months. It was a gentle process that utilized the support of those closest to me. And, while, my son was/is a high needs child, having no other children to care for at the time meant I could focus my energy on assuring his needs were met beyond our nursing relationship.
My youngest son has different needs. In many ways, he is less demanding than my oldest. He was never the type of round-the-clock feeder. He also easily adapted to his role as the second child and the divided attention that is part of the deal.
I wanted to start this post with a clip from “Sex And The City.” Unfortunately, my countless searches on YouTube never yielded the needed results. Instead, bear with my summation of a particular scene, which until recently, I had know idea how on point it was on parenting.
In this scene, baby-obsessed Charlotte is visiting an unintentionally pregnant, and not-exactly-enthused-by-impending-motherhood Miranda at her apartment. Well-meaning Charlotte begins to lecture her friend on parenting, even suggesting a good spot for the crib. She proceeds to ask Miranda what type of mom she plans to be. To which Miranda has the perfect response?