7 things I have wondered while watching kids’ shows

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Between the brutal winter and an exhausting pregnancy, I have had a lot of time over the past few months to watch children’s television with my two-year-old. Much of the time I tune it out, after a while of hearing the same theme songs on repeat, your mind begins to go numb. However, when I do pay attention, I find myself asking all sorts of questions.

What is a “Bubble Guppie?”

I confess, I have never seen an episode of this show, mostly because I am too weirded out to let my son watch it. I’m sure it is a fine program, and my son might love it. I just can’t seem to wrap my brain around these hybrid human/fish creatures. Yet, regular mermaids don’t bother me. Go figure.

Why are there only three humans in LazyTown?

I really want to like this show, because so much is good about it. It encourages healthy eating, exercise and features an athletic superhero and villain both of whom I find weirdly attractive. However, the show is also populated with creepy life-like puppets. In fact, other than the aforementioned hero and villain, the only other live person in this town is a young girl named Stephanie. Is this what our post-apocalyptic world looks like?

Why do Thomas and his friends take crap from Sir Topham Hatt?

Seriously, these are highly intelligent machines. They could easily run the island of Sodor, yet they only seem to care about “being really useful.” I admit to watching the show and secretly hoping the human characters will be forced to live underground in service to Thomas and crew. Get it together trains, you have all the power!

Who is responsible for Max and Ruby?

I realize many have asked this question, yet it remains unanswered. As a supporter of free-range parenting, I do like how self-sufficient Ruby is. However, she is still a kid, why is she seemingly the only one in charge of her little brother? I think I did see a grandmother on the show, but even then, Ruby was handling the brunt of the responsibilities.

Why doesn’t Curious George know the name of his owner?

George is able to identify, by name, almost every person and animal he encounters. There’s Gnocchi, Chef Pisghetti’s restaurant cat, Hundley, the door dog, Professor Wiseman and a slew of other characters with whom George is on a first name basis. Except the guy who actually takes care of him. That guy is “The Man in the Yellow Hat.” Ummm okay?

How does Pete manage to remain in the Mickey Mouse crew?

Every episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is essentially the same. The gang has to solve a problem, Pete tries to screw them over, sees the error of his ways and everything is cool again. Anyone with a basic understanding of psychology will tell you that Pete is a toxic friend. I know, the show is all about forgiveness, learning to get along, blah blah blah. I don’t care. Pete needs to go.

Why is Caillou so hard to like?

Read enough parenting blogs and you will quickly discover how much people loathe Caillou. Out of all the children’s characters, he has got to be at the top of the list of the worst of all time. But, why? It’s not like he is some demon child (although many may say he is). He tries hard, seems to feel remorse when he does something wrong and is a good friend. Despite all that, I still can’t stand him.

What are some things you have wondered about your kids’ favorite shows?

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