If toddlers had Facebook groups


I am a member of several Facebook groups for moms. They have become so common, that poking fun of them has become standard practice. For better or worse, they have a huge influence on parents, and can be quite helpful. I know lots of parents who say they could not survive without them.

What if our little ones had the same access to Facebook (and knew how to read, write and engage in snarky banter)? What would their posts look like?

I imagine they would look something like this.

For those of us, who may have trouble reading the text of each image, I have transcribed them below.

Who doesn’t love a good tantrum story?


Sweetpea to the group Toddlers of Facebook: OK kid, what are your best tantrum stories? Let’s hear em!

Mr. Cuteness: Went to that place with the circley red things and all those fun stuff to grab off the shelf. Anyway, we are waiting behind a bunch of people for some reason, and it’s like been 30 minutes since I had a snack. So, like any normal person would do, I scream ad start kicking the lady behind us. Mommy got so mad, what else are you gonna do!

Sirsmiles: Daddy spent forever buckling me in my carseat. And he did it wrong. So, I shouted, I do it! 10 times. Then after he undid it, I took 20 minutes to do it myself.

lildarling replying to Sirsmiles: LFMAO Classic!

smiley: Ok, so I have this bowl with Thomas on it, and I love Thomas, but I can only eat round cereal out of Thomas bowl. Square cereal has to be out of my Mickey bowl. Anyway, my grandma was here and I guess mommy and daddy forgot to tell her about the rules, because she put the square cereal in my Thomas bowl. Of course, I threw it on the floor and cried for an hour.

Tales from the kitchen table


Little Smushy to the group Toddlers of Facebook: I only like to take three bites of each apple slice mommy gives me, because we all know they are yucky after three bites. The thing is, mommy won’t give me anymore apples now. I tried throwing my plate and screaming, but these tactics are no longer working. Seeking advice!

stinkmonster: First off, three bites is way too much. Everyone knows two max before things get gross. Second, apples, eww, gross, those are the devil’s snack.

sweetiecakes: You need to scream louder, like really shriek. That always gets the job done. Maybe you will even get a bonus cookie!

toodleycue: What are you one? Grow up and eat the damn apple! SMH

Little Smushy replying to toodleycue: Um I’m two and you are a poopyhead!!

cuddlebum: OK not trying to be all judgey here, but are apples all you eat? I mean, I know I am lucky that my parents grow their own persimmons, kumquats and dates in our organic garden hydrated by filtered bath water, but come on! How hard is to try a banana or a pear for goodness sake? #knowbetterdobetter

lilsweetie replying to cuddlebum: Gotta love the sanctitoddlers. Please, cuddlebum, enlighten us heathens.

cuddlebum replying to lilsweetie: Scuse me for trying to get people healthy. Speaking of, if you are seriously looking to get your life back together, PM me!!

smushy: Admin here. Just a friendly reminder our promotions thread is up every Thursday and will be pinned to the top of the page. Thank you! Also, be nice!!

Potty fun!


Loveydoves to the group Toddlers of Facebook: Let’s talk potty? Who’s going and how old? I’m two and a half and it’s a big no for me. Diapers all day!

smileyallday: Two years old, potty sometimes, when mommy gives me yummy treats.

sweatpea replying to smileyallday: What treats can you get? I’m holding out for M &Ms, but so far just cookies, ugh.

mushykins: Three years old, potty all day, peeing at night. Too sleepy to go!

nunubeans: Two years old. Afraid of the potty monster. Welcome tips to fight off!

smileyallday replying to nunubeans: Mommy says poops and pees make the monster happy.

sweetpea replying to smileyallday: If he is so happy, why does he make scary noises when the poop goes in his tummy?

What would your toddler talk about on Facebook? Share below!

6 thoughts on “If toddlers had Facebook groups

  1. J. Ivy Boyter

    OMG, my toddler would say “One bite is GOOD, the second bite you MUST say ‘don’t like it’ and push the plate away, then ask for something else, then ask for the first thing back. Don’t forget to get mad when you get both.”


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