If Cersei Lannister were a mommy blogger

It is a lonely life for the Queen Regent who will do anything to protect her family. There’s the stress of fighting nasty rumors, dealing with uncontrollable children and fighting off would be usurpers. Sometimes a lady needs to vent.

I think if Cersei were around today, she would be all over the blogosphere sharing her thoughts on parenting.

Check out some of the excerpts from “Cersei Says:”


Caught in the act

Isn’t it just the worst, when a kid walks in on you while you are having, um, relations? I wish that Catelyn Stark did a better job of teaching her children about that thing called knocking. I guess Bran will now think twice before climbing where he doesn’t belong.

My son the king

I’m bursting with pride today. My little Joffrey has become king. I know I have written about how difficult he can be, but he’s really come around. Must have been that Nanny 911 advice I followed. I really think I got through to him on the whole sparing Ned Stark thing. The realm is in good hands.

My daughter departs

Today was a sad day. My daughter, Myrcella, was sent away to Dorne. Uhh. That place is so nasty. They just put it all out in the open, instead of keeping it on the side like decent human beings. If my daughter starts her own blog on sexual experimentation, I am going to lose it! Sigh, a mother’s struggle never ends.

Sansa in bloom

I can’t believe that sneaky little Sansa tried to hide her new found womanhood from me. Who is she going to get her sex advice from? Her mother? Talk about a cold biatch. Winter isn’t coming, it’s here, between her legs!

She called me her sister!

My son really knows how to pick them. At least Sansa wasn’t trying to be Mother Teresa meets Angelina Jolie. Joffrey seems to into her, and who can blame him. She is barely dressed. Put a sweater on honey! Sorry for the venting, readers, big day ahead!

Wedding Day!

I know Margaery and I have butted heads more than once, but that doesn’t matter today. It’s time to celebrate! Joffrey looks so grand. I’m sure he can’t wait for the bedding ceremony. Please gods give me grandchildren! I digress, who’s ready for pie?

6 thoughts on “If Cersei Lannister were a mommy blogger

  1. stomperdad

    HAHAHAHA You’re title made me laugh! I would definitely “follow” Cersei. Her parenting advice would be top notch. I imagine she’d write about Uncle Tyrion, too. Can’t wait for April 12th!

    Reply

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