Tag Archives: family

“A Quiet Place” delivers one bad-ass mama

If you see one movie this Mothers’ Day weekend make it, A Quiet Place.

I bet you thought I would say, Tully.

While the Diablo Cody film starring Charlize Theron as a mom on the edge might seem like the logical choice, I have yet to see the movie, and don’t feel right discussing it just yet. I have a feeling, even if I had seen it, I might still tell you to go see A Quiet Place.

quietplace

As far as horror movies go, A Quiet Place, is far from original, nor is it particularly frightening. The premise (post apocalyptic survival) has made the rounds many times before, and the film has few truly unexpected scares. And, even those are fairly predictable scary movie tropes.  However, when I looked beyond my expectations for what a horror film is supposed to be, and allowed myself to digest the message, I found myself liking A Quiet Place more and more. Continue reading

An (updated) amateur guide to potty-training in 5 (mostly) stress-free steps

Just shy of two years ago, I published a post offering my tips for toilet training a child. Since then, I have toilet trained my second child, and have learned a few new things in the process. This post is a modified version of my original guide.

The title of this post should be clear enough, but just in case, let me begin by stating that I am in no way, shape or form an expert on child elimination strategy . I am just a mom sharing her experiences with potty training her own kid, in the hopes that it may help other parents. If you need a professional opinion, please consult a pediatrician, therapist or other appropriate person.

pottytraining

If you read enough of my posts, you know I have a difficult time getting my oldest son to do most things. Sleep in particular remains a challenge, he is still as picky as ever and we are still working on our listening skills. Given all of these challenges, you may be surprised to learn potty-training was surprisingly easy. Though there were many accidents, and a lot of patience on my part, I can look back and feel good about the whole experience.

My other child, who is a bit easier in the sleep department and eats like champ, proved harder to toilet train. His different personality meant adjusting some of my original techniques, and respecting he might not be as easy as his brother.

When I potty trained my oldest at two years old, I knew this went against conventional wisdom. However, he showed signs of readiness early on, so I followed his lead. My youngest, on the other hand, just turned three and is still working on using the toilet. Different personalities and temperaments meant adjusting my strategy for each child. In general, I believe there are some tips which can work for most kids.

1. Give lots of diaper-free time

When I became pregnant for the first time, I immersed myself in research on the latest parenting trends, and one of those was “elimination communication.” For the unfamiliar, elimination communication is a method of potty training, which essentially calls for the removal of all diapers, pretty much from day one, and is based on the premise that caregivers can become in tune with their child’s elimination cues and respond accordingly. No diapers? Sign me up! Of course, practice proved otherwise, and my carpet suffered the brunt of my experimentation. I waited until my son was around six months, and for every successful trip to the toilet, there was a fresh puddle by the coffee table. By the time my son was one, and had no interest in being held over the toilet, I knew I had to abandon this method.

Though I am not an E.C. success story, the experience did allow my son to get familiar with the idea of going to the bathroom without a diaper. He slowly began to associate the toilet with pooping and peeing, and while it took some time for it to all click, the knowledge was there.

I realize letting a baby roam bare-ass in your home may be your idea of hell. Perhaps just give him or her 15 minutes of supervised diaper-free time first thing in the morning or right after bath time? Maybe you just have time for a few minutes a week. I believe those moments will pay off once your child is ready.

When my child turned two, I mostly saved the diapers for trips out of the house. We still had a few accidents, but eventually he became aware of his body and was able to make it to the toilet in time.

Update: I wasn’t as diligent with elimination communication when it came to my youngest, mostly because I didn’t have the patience as a mother of two. As he approached the toddler years, I started leaving the diaper off, as much as I could. When we started toilet training in earnest, I skipped diapers at home. Unlike my oldest, the transition to no diapers out of the house did take a bit longer, and is still a work in progress, but he is getting there.

2. Skip the “potty” stage

The thought of cleaning out a dirty potty appeals to me as much as sitting through a lecture on the creation of wall paper paste. I didn’t want any part of it. I also didn’t want to have to retrain my son to use the toilet. So, with the occasional help of a special seat to ensure he didn’t fall in the bowl, my son learned to use the bathroom on an actual toilet.

The skipping of the potty stage applied to outside bathroom use as well. Once I felt confident enough to skip the diapers when we ventured outside, I didn’t want to bother with another thing to schlep in my diaper bag. I also wanted to get myself and my son accustomed to the idea of using a public restroom. I made sure to plan our outings accordingly. I had an expert knowledge of toilet locations within a 20-block radius of our apartment. I knew the cleanest one was at our local supermarket, and that playground bathrooms aren’t always as gross as you might expect.

Update: While, I skipped the potty with my youngest, and still believe it is easier just to train them on an actual toilet, I acknowledge that park bathrooms aren’t always open, and sometimes other options are necessary.

3. Ditch the bribes

If you read enough about potty-training, you would be hard pressed to find any advice that doesn’t involve some sort of reward system. They can range from stickers to candy to toys. There’s no denying the success of these systems, as they have worked for so many parents. I decided I would rather not engage that method. Instead, I made using the toilet successfully its own reward. I cheered enthusiastically every time my son managed to get to the bathroom in time.

I think the reason this worked was because my son was truly ready to be potty-trained. He didn’t need any extra incentive. Again, I realize this may be unique to my child. He was an eager participant because he hated being in a dirty diaper (he hates being messy, in general). However, I do believe that most young kids are excited by the littlest things, and that can include using the toilet.

Update: I skipped the standard bribes with my youngest, but I was not afraid to go to the well of YouTube for some motivation in the form of Moana, Trolls and more. Hey, if a little “You’re Welcome” will get my guy to sit for a minute, I’ll take it.

pottytraining2

4. Be consistent

Once you have your kid out of diapers, keep them off. I made the mistake of using diapers again (worry about accidents on long trips), and I was back to square one. I had to get accept the fact that accidents are inevitable. So, before I went anywhere, I had my son use the bathroom and made sure to pack extra clothes. Eventually, the mishaps became less frequent, and I could confidently say my son was potty trained by two-and-a-half.

Update: I was much worse about consistency with my youngest. Every supermarket trip, I would buy a package of diapers and tell myself, that would be the last time. Yet, I kept buying more, losing confidence in myself and my child. Finally, when my son was really making progress, I stopped.

5. Don’t rush it

I know people swear by those programs that claim to have your kid potty-trained in just three days. I am sure they are at least somewhat effective, otherwise they wouldn’t be so popular. Personally, I think every milestone with a child is a journey that begins the moment he or she is born. I didn’t wake up one morning and say, “I think I am going to start toilet training my son.” Instead, I followed his cues and gradually worked with him to achieve our goal.

Potty training is one of the many things everyone seems to have an opinion on. I know my methods were suited for my children, but they might be wrong for your child. The important thing to note is most kids will get there, we just need to be patient.

Update: Daytime training has proven harder for my youngest. His interest in using the toilet took a while to nurture. However, he is doing great a staying dry at night, so it is one less thing to worry about.

Poor husband can never find my yogurt (video)

I do the majority of food shopping in my home. An always exciting adventure, because I almost always have at least one small child with me. As any parent can attest, shopping with kids is rough, so when I get the chance to go by myself, or better yet, my husband goes to the store instead.

yogurtblog

Our grocery list varies little, and, most of the time, my husband has no trouble finding what we need. However, for whatever reason, whenever he goes shopping, he can never locate one item:

Yogurt. Continue reading

Towing the privacy line as parent blogger

I started my blog in 2013 out of a need to keep writing (my lifelong creative outlet) and to vent about my struggles as a new mother. While, I understood anything I put online wasn’t technically private, I did little to promote my work and gain an audience beyond my family and a few random followers. My writing was raw and more like what I would journal in a private notebook than something worthy of a larger audience. However, even from the beginning, I hesitated to reveal every personal detail.

privacy

While, I want my blog to be a place where I can be candid about my experiences as a mother, I also need to be mindful of my family and how my writing impacts their lives. I am sure, I have already written plenty which could embarrass my children, which is why, I will never write anything which mentions their real names, or share photos of them with clear shots of their faces. I do understand that because I myself am not anonymous, there are ways for people to find out who they are, but I at least can make it more challenging. Continue reading

Bedrooms are for sleeping and for sex

BedroomsSex

Long before marriage and family was a possible thought in my brain, I watched an episode of a daytime talk show (I want to say it was Oprah), which would shape how I would eventually set up my home.

In this episode, a very famous decorator/designer (I want to say it was Nate Berkus), was the special guest, whose task was to revamp a couple’s home. I can’t recall what colors he painted their walls, or what artwork he picked for their living room or what curtains he hung on their windows. However, when it came to their bedroom, one thing the designer said planted itself in my brain:

“Bedrooms are for sleeping and for sex.” Continue reading

‘Mom Life: Perfection Pending’ is the book all moms need

MomLifeBookCover

This post contains an affiliate link. I get a small commission based on purchases made from this website.

Motherhood is far from perfect. In fact, it is often downright difficult. Yet, despite the numerous resources available to new moms or moms-to-be, very few provide the raw, in-depth truth they seek. Maybe, it is because people are afraid of “scaring” moms. Well, women are pretty tough, and moms are about as strong as you can get. To borrow from “A Few Good Men,” not only can we handle the truth, we need it, badly.

Enter, Mom Life: Perfection Pending, the new book, from Absolute Publishing, authored by beloved blogger, writer and meme-extraordinaire, Meredith Ethington. Continue reading

If toddlers had Facebook groups

toddlerfacebook

I am a member of several Facebook groups for moms. They have become so common, that poking fun of them has become standard practice. For better or worse, they have a huge influence on parents, and can be quite helpful. I know lots of parents who say they could not survive without them.

What if our little ones had the same access to Facebook (and knew how to read, write and engage in snarky banter)? What would their posts look like?

I imagine they would look something like this.

Continue reading

If moms had Pinterest in the 1980s

Social media has changed the way we do things for our kids. Birthday parties, especially, have become a bit over the top, as we parents try to mimic those beautiful pictures we see on Pinterest.

It’s hard to remember a time when parties were simpler, and nobody was making 5000 Moana statues for a two-year-old’s birthday party. Not that I’m dogging on anyone who does that, because, seriously, that is impressive.

pinterest80s

Before the Internet, the only people you had to impress were the people at your party, and you probably only saw them once in awhile anyway, so you didn’t care too much about what they thought.

My mom was a bit ahead of her time, when it came to birthday parties. We always had them in our house, complete with homemade desserts, craft projects and entertainment provided by friends and family. Continue reading

Here I am, 35 and OK

During the early 2000s, “Sex and the City” was one of the hottest shows on television. I, a young college student, watched in awe as those 30-something-year-old women gallivanted about New York City, enjoying an endless slew of men, fashion and cosmopolitans. Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha seemed to have it all — great apartments, fabulous careers and access to the best clubs. Yet, no matter how wonderful their lives were, there was an undercurrent of emptiness following through the series.

35

This feeling was exemplified by the episode featuring Carrie’s 35th birthday. In one of the saddest displays ever seen on television, we find Carrie, sitting alone at a huge table, wondering when her friends will arrive. Making matters worse, at a nearby table, an exuberant young lady is celebrating her own birthday, at which she exclaims, “Twenty-five! Fuck, I’m old!”

I turn 35 this week, and as a married woman with kids, my life is very different than the one portrayed by Sarah Jessica Parker on “Sex and the City.” Funny how when I watched the show in youth, I pictured my adult life involving lots of parties and a great career. Marriage and family were not top of mind. My life is very different than how I envisioned it at 19, and in many ways, I have what those women were striving for, a husband, a family – people with whom I can share my celebrations as well as sadness.

Continue reading

I let someone else plan my kid’s birthday party

I am a bit of a “type A” personality. I was involved with everything in high school, from the student newspaper to a Jewish youth group. I then went on to college, where I became president of my sorority. For much of my adolescent and early adult life, I was in charge of something, planning something, delegating something — always doing something.

I thrived on deadlines and responsibilities and was able to manage the stress that comes with them. I was also a lot younger, sleeping a lot longer and only had to worry about myself.

party

Since becoming a parent, I have found my interest in doing all the things has waned. Managing my family has occupied so much space inside me that I often dread adding another responsibility. Some might call it lazy, or poor time management skills, and they might be right. But, I know what I can handle, and I don’t want to push myself over the edge. Continue reading